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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My co-worker, who has been trying to become a supervisor for the last 15 years, and maybe will one day, always seems to have to inquire about everything.

My grandma passed away, and I got approval from HR and my boss to take bereavement leave for the memorial services. My bereavement time will not affect this colleague's work, my work or anyone else's. And yet, she had to text me on my personal phone to ask, "I saw you're taking bereavement leave. Who died?"

It felt so callous and intrusive at a time when I needed some sympathy. I could only text her back that it was my grandma, and "feel free to send flowers." I know she won't send any flowers, but I just wanted to hint at her callousness.

What should I have said? How should I deal with this co-worker?

GENTLE READER: The flowers crack is not the hint you wanted, as it sounds too much like asking her to do something for you.

Miss Manners would have been in no hurry to answer. If scolded upon your return for not answering immediately, you could have said, with slight impatience, "I was away for my grandmother's funeral."

But she warns you that someone insensitive enough to send that bald text is unlikely to be subtle enough to take a hint. She will be perfect for management.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will soon be welcoming our fifth child into the world. As we have done with our other four children, we plan on sharing the name we have chosen for our baby when she is born, not before.

With our older children, we have been ready and eager to share how and why we selected their names, but very few people have asked. We had assumed that meant that this matter was just not interesting to others, and we accepted that fact and refrained from bringing it up unless asked.

Earlier this year, we found out that a close relative was confused by the choice of one of our children's names, and she unfortunately expressed some negative sentiment about the name to the child herself.

My husband and I feel like this confusion could have been cleared up years ago if the relative had simply asked us about the name. We would have been happy to have a conversation about it. With the imminent arrival of our next baby, does Miss Manners have a solution that allows us to share the significance of the name we have chosen without pushing boring or unwanted information on to our loved ones?

GENTLE READER: One shockingly rude relative is not a reason to change your history of exemplary behavior in not boring the friends and relatives.

But Miss Manners recognizes that you really, really want to explain the name choice -- and she wishes to reward your restraint. So if you were to include a few sentences of written exposition with the birth announcement, she does not promise to read it, but she would not object.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN