ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we have a large family dinner, between 10 and 21 people, there is one child whose parents allow her to be on her tablet, with volume on high. She comes into the house, whizzes by everyone present and goes directly to the table to set up her tablet.

I disapprove of this, and feel that the host or hostess needs to express to the parents that devices are not allowed at the dining table. There are other children her age present, but their parents do not allow them to have their tablets.

My belief is the hostess can set such rules, but there are others who feel you cannot tell another parent how to parent their child. I feel that it's "my house, my rules."

So, Miss Manners, can we tell parents what the rule is at our house, and allow the other guests a quieter dinner?

GENTLE READER: Why go through the parents? Miss Manners suggests you go straight to the source, quietly telling the child that you are sorry, but you do not allow electronics at the dinner table. At which point the child will turn to her parents -- and you will find something urgent to do in the kitchen so as to avoid eye contact with them.

If the plan is unsuccessful, you can always drop a pair of headphones casually at her place setting. So as to at least ensure quiet for the others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a gated community. There is a gate box where people can punch in the code to open the gate and let them in.

In both of our vehicles, we have a remote that we press to open the gate. There have been numerous occasions when I've been behind someone attempting to enter the code, and I have used the remote to open the gate for them.

Is it impolite to give a brief honk on my car horn to let the person know the gate is opening, or should I just wait until they notice it's opening, thinking they've done it?

GENTLE READER: But then how will they learn?

Granted, the second option is more entertaining, what with its potential to convince these drivers that they are magical. But it is more damaging to their learning curve -- and your wait time -- in the long run.

Miss Manners suggests instead that you give that brief honk, followed by a little wave and point that says, "We have the remote. And you do not."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 63-year-old woman who finds herself frequently told by strangers that she resembles a famous actress of similar age.

I don't find this actress particularly attractive, and therefore don't know what to say when someone makes the comparison. I don't know whether to take it as a compliment or merely an observation.

"Thank you" seems to imply I'm flattered (which I'm not), but I don't want to express offense when none was likely intended. Is there another option for reply?

GENTLE READER: "Hmmm." Uttered flatly with no question mark or inflection other than one that indicates, "That is something that you just said."

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN