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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss let me know that my co-workers have often "told on me," reporting when I arrive back to work three minutes late from lunch or leave a few minutes early (to make sure I took the time off).

I don't know how to continue to work with these people and see them daily, now that I know that none of them are my friends -- and that, in fact, they have it out for me and are reporting every little thing I do.

GENTLE READER: Naive Miss Manners never fell for the line that her co-workers should also be her best friends. But then, she also never suffered the heartache of being fired after years on the job only to discover, as so many have, that all those supposed friends no longer returned her calls.

She would, however, have taken note of a boss who was decent enough to tell her what was going on -- both so that she could correct the behavior that might be threatening her continued employment and to establish some reasonable expectations about co-workers.

As to these particular colleagues, Miss Manners would have no trouble treating them with a professional aloofness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it worse to go to a party without RSVPing or to not go to the party?

GENTLE READER: As this is a question about skipping important steps, Miss Manners noticed a few other points missing.

As there is nothing wrong with declining an invitation, she presumes your second option refers to the rudeness of failing to attend after having said you would. And you would not call someone rude for failing to attend due to a recognized exception such as a genuine illness.

Either way, her answer is, "Why do you ask?" If it is to keep score, she will remind you that two wrongs do not make a right. However, showing up unexpected is harder on the host, who will now have to stretch his four-bean stew to five guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my children were growing up, we were close friends with another family. Both families taught the children old-fashioned respect for their elders and expected them to call adults by "Mr." or "Mrs."

One of their children is now attending our church. She is in her mid-20s and I am 49. She continues to refer to me as "Mrs. Smith." It feels awkward, especially in small groups like our women's Bible study. I have invited her to call me by my first name several times.

She is a sweet girl, and I don't want her to feel chastised. But it makes me feel strange. Should I let it go or continue to ask her to use my first name?

GENTLE READER: You may decide how you wish to be addressed, but there is no reason the adjustment needs to be unpleasant for her.

On the contrary, take her aside and make a fuss over how charmed you are to have her as an adult friend -- how she is no longer a child -- and how much it would mean to you for her to address you as such. Just please, for Miss Manners' sake, refrain from the trite excuse that being called "Mrs." makes you feel old.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2025 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN