Why is six afraid of seven?

Because, already, seven ate nine (7, 8, 9)!

A guy named Bob is travelling by Amtrak with two strangers sitting close to him.

He is trying to sleep, but those guys were speaking loudly for a very long time heavily criticizing George Bush, the war in Iraq, corruption, unemployment, etc.

So Bob, in an attempt to force the guys to stop talking and let him sleep, tells them as a joke, that ...Read more

The to-do list for tomorrow is so daunting that I'm putting off writing the to-do list til tomorrow, which means the first thing on tomorrow's to-do list is writing my to-do list. I feel like there's a tautology in there, someplace...

* Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it enables you to look for it in more places.

* Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

* Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.

* Be ...Read more

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny ...Read more

Someone stole my car last night. But before I called the police I had a thought.

"The heck with it. Let them explain all the bodies in the trunk!"

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess ship. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our...Read more

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, and walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"

What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.

...Read more

A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store.

On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob."

He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.

As the...Read more

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3 in housewares, "and see what ...Read more

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
To whom.

Whats green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.